I used to be one of those people that was always hungry to be in a relationship.
I hated the thought of being alone.
I would have one boyfriend then, only a month after we broke up, I was ready to go out on a date to meet someone else.
If I didn’t have anything planned on Friday nights, I would scatter my contact list trying to find someone to hang out with so that I didn’t have to be by myself on a weekend.
I was extremely insecure, so having others around me was my form of security. Specifically, having a boyfriend made me feel loved. It was a way to block out all the negative thoughts that caused me to think low of myself.
To be honest with you, sometimes I would have boyfriends that I wasn’t really attracted to and often times I would accept a date just to have something to do.
I didn’t value myself. So, since I didn’t have a sense of self-worth, I looked to people and men as forms of comfort. I felt like I needed them to validate who I was.
We all have the desire to love and be loved. Love is the one connection that we all have because God, or love, is the source that we all come from. The real love we are hoping for can’t be found in a significant other, it can only be found in God.
When I had the opportunity to experience God’s love for myself, I realized that what I was hoping for in a man could never supply me the way that God can. I also began to understand that only God could cure my low self-esteem, loneliness, and insecurities. Using a man to try to fill the voids that I was feeling would only make the situation worse because I was forever expecting a boyfriend to handle my emotional needs in a way that no human is capable of doing.
No matter what psychiatrist or doctor you go to, true emotional healing can only be dealt with through the works of God. For so long, I was looking for healing in the form of a man, not knowing that those dates would do nothing but pacify the pain, not heal the wounds.
So, time after time, I would expect more from my boyfriends than what they could give me. I was expecting them to make me feel better about myself and build my self-confidence. Instead, I should have just been going to God.
Now that I have God’s peace, it’s a blessing to understand what true love really does feel like.
For about six months, I have been in my first relationship since finding God. This boyfriend has been completely different than my past relationships. Now, I can enjoy my relationship freely because I’m not looking for my boyfriend to heal wounds he could never heal.
Another great aspect of having a boyfriend and God at the same time is that I’m not looking for another human to complete me byway of a relationship. I have the understanding that I love my boyfriend, but he’s not my everything because only God can be that. If you found this blog inspirational, then please share so it can inspire others!
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