Do You Want a Husband More than God?

The following is an excerpt from my book, I Believe in God, Now What?

Order your own copy for the sale price of $2.43 by clicking here.

 

For a moment’s time after a sexual orgasm, I would feel great.

Yet, only minutes later, I was back to being reminded of my insecurities and the havoc that stemmed from trying to cover them up in the false hope of being saved by idols.

I use the term idols because that’s exactly what I turned men into. I went to them before I went to God.

Although I never said it out loud, my actions proved that I believed those men could heal me in a way that God couldn’t. I went running to people, instead of to Him.

I once went on a year-long wild goose chase, pursuing this man who really didn’t care to be in a relationship with me.

At the time, I was living in Morocco as a Peace Corps volunteer.

So, because of the different time zones, I would stay up until all hours of the morning, waiting for a promised call that never came.

 

Although the numerous missed calls were evidence enough that he didn’t care for me, I pressed on.

I was determined and assured that this guy was “the one.” I wrote him a three-page email expressing my love and desire to marry him, but he didn’t even acknowledge the words until three weeks later.

Clearly, I was doing more giving than receiving in the relationship, yet I kept running after him anyway.

I was at a point where I would allow myself to be taken advantage of in relationships and so-called friendships because I didn’t know my own worth.

I desired a husband more than God because I didn’t know God. I also didn’t understand the fullness of all that God had in store for me.

So, I would settle.

I would always allow myself to accept people into my life who did more taking than they did giving. Each relationship was part of an endless cycle of disappointment.

Although I didn’t realize it, the same treatment that others were giving me was exactly how I had treated God.

Prior to my relationship with Him, God was doing all the work. He would bless me with jobs and finances, and even protect me from harm’s way when I didn’t deserve the protection.

I would thank Him, then go on and continue living exactly how I wanted to. I wasn’t witnessing or sharing the gospel with others.

I preferred a life of sex and lustful pleasures.

God was doing all the giving, and I was doing all the taking. I would look around and see that others weren’t loving me the way I deserved, not knowing that my external relationships could only mimic my internal relationship with Christ.

 

How could I understand what I truly deserved if I never spent time with the One Who designed my self-worth?

So, with guy after guy and friend after friend, I would accept the least of my value. To make matters worse…

 

So, what happened with the guy I thought was “the one”? How did I learn to pursue God over him?

The rest of the story is in my book, I Believe in God, Now What?

Order your own copy for the sale price of $2.43 by clicking here.

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Love,