Love vs. Attraction …How I Conquered Lust

I used to have a huge misconception of what it meant to be loved.

Instead of looking for love in God, I was hoping to find it in men, sex, and friends. Low self-esteem left me longing for the chance to be accepted, even if it meant settling. All along, what I was really searching for was love in God.

Since I was substituting boyfriends and sex for the true love of God, I always came up short. My insecurities, my pain, and my hurt only deepened as I moved further away from God and closer to my own way of dealing with my bottled up despair.


Each time I was disappointed, it became clearer that God was trying to send me signs to come to Him instead of humans, but I just wouldn’t listen.

Whenever we choose not to conduct our lives in God’s way, our disobedience can hinder us from receiving His blessings. So, since I wasn’t in line with God’s will for my life, I wasn’t dating the ‘gem’ He knew I was worthy of having.

In my case, I was choosing to settle for the mediocre attraction of a fling, instead of patiently growing in God until He sent me the man I could truly know how to love.


The current relationship that I’m in is completely unlike my past relationships because our focus is on our love for each other, not our attractions. We do things God’s way and I truly see the difference. God tells us to wait for sex for a reason. It’s for our protection. Sex can blind your perception of reality. It can also change the focus of the relationship from love to lust.

Before my boyfriend and I get married, I’m confident that I’ll be one hundred percent sure that he’s the one because my vision will be clear on who he is, not what his body can do for me. Also, the time we choose not to have sex allots us more time to get to know each other, something we’ll really appreciate when we are married and have to work things out together.


God had and still has high standards for me. The boyfriend he has blessed me with loves God with all of his heart. Because of his genuine love for God, everything else about our relationship just falls together. Most of all, he knows the difference between attraction and love.


Attraction is a feeling. On the other hand, love is an action, a verb. Love is something you do, not something you feel. You prove love through your actions. So, when my boyfriend tells me he loves me, he knows to prove it with his actions, not by his words.


Now that I understand the difference between attraction and love, I can freely love in a mature way. I’m not expecting my boyfriend to heal my loneliness or insecurities because all of that has already been taken care of by God.

I’m also not expecting my boyfriend to provide me with a love that only God can give. My boyfriend can love me, he can be attracted to me, but he can’t heal me. That had to be dealt with before we got together. Otherwise, I would always find myself unsatisfied.


1 Corinthians 13: 4-8



I appreciate that God didn’t bless me with my gem until I understood the difference between attraction and love. I have feelings for my boyfriend, so I’m attracted to him. When he does something I don’t like, I love him, because that’s what love is. It’s not being kind or patient to someone when it feels good to do so, it’s loving that person back even when they don’t deserve it. That’s the other great part about waiting to have sex, you learn to do what’s best for the relationship, instead of what feels good to the individual. In a sense, you learn to sacrifice your desires for what’s best for the both of you.


I expect my boyfriend to make mistakes, because He’s not perfect, only God is. So, now that I know how perfect God is, I can stop placing such high expectations on imperfect people. That way, when they disappoint me, it’s easy to love, not because it always feels good, but because God loved me first when I didn’t deserve it. If my attraction were my motive to love, I would only love when I felt like doing so. I no longer love based on how I feel, I love based on what I know. If this blog inspired you, please click the share button below to inspire someone else.

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Hi, I'm Jordone.
For so long, I struggled with having a truly enjoyable and intimate relationship with Jesus. My goal is to help you learn God and His voice for yourself so you'll avoid the mistakes I made. Get my free devotional "Daily Time with Jesus" and take the 27 day challenge to spend consistent time with God and learn His voice.

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Other blogs on this topic:

1) Six Reasons to Let Him Go After the First Date

2) Honey, Your Vagina is Not Your Worth

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

4) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single


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14 Responses

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  8. Lacey

    Great post! Thank you for sharing. I have been in two relationships that were opposites. One relationship I was not living a holy life. We had sex and there was a lot of lust between us. The other relationship was more loving, unconditional and base on a friendship. To have experienced these relationships, now I agree with you. It’s awesome to be with a guy that is God-fearing and cares about your soul. It’s tempting to cave in to lust but a guy that shares the same life values as you will make it easier to uphold your beliefs together.

  9. Pingback : The Truth About Someone Who Breaks Up With You Because of Your Past | JordoneWrites

  10. Colina

    Thank you for sharing! I can totally relate to you & your wisdom, experiences&knowledge! God bless u! I look forward to reading more of your blessings & words of Faith, Hope&Love of & for GOD 🙂

    1. Praise God!! All glory goes to Him! Are you subscribed to my site? That way, you can get my blogs to your email. Just go to the bottom of my site and enter your email. God bless you ..I love you in Christ 🙂

  11. Nikki

    Hi. I want to first say that you are doing a great thing here. There are a lot of people that need and want to hear from someone like you. (To know it’s possible) I know I’m not supposed to compare my life or someone else’s because what God has for me is for me; but I can’t help but wonder at times what am I wrong. My friend just got engaged and they definitely didn’t wait to be intimate. They have a great relationship. He asked for her hand from her dad. They prayed together ab it and everything (dad and her boyfriend). He is very respectful to her, they take care of each other and are working on a business together. They aren’t perfect but they work things out. I guess I’m torn on wether you have to wait to have a solid relationship. Not challenging you just want to know what you have to say ab couples that are great but have sex. I feel like some people don’t address those like that. I so want that type of love (that’s full of love, respect, and yes attraction, sexual desire because I feel that’s important too).
    Thanks for this blog!

    1. Hey ! I think you hit the nail on the head…don’t compare your life to others. Your friend’s life and marriage may seem great now, but there are always repercussions to disobeying God’s Word. Waiting for marriage teaches us the patience that we need for our spouse once marriage arrives. God honors those who honor His Word. Even though He has mercy upon us, He tells us to wait for a reason, to protect us. You never know what’s behind the door of your obedience. I encourage you to pray and seek God daily in His Word. Look to Him for how your relationship should be conducted, not humans.

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