I used to have a huge misconception of what it meant to be loved.
Instead of looking for love in God, I was hoping to find it in men, sex, and friends. Low self-esteem left me longing for the chance to be accepted, even if it meant settling. All along, what I was really searching for was love in God.
Since I was substituting boyfriends and sex for the true love of God, I always came up short. My insecurities, my pain, and my hurt only deepened as I moved further away from God and closer to my own way of dealing with my bottled up despair.
Whenever we choose not to conduct our lives in God’s way, our disobedience can hinder us from receiving His blessings. So, since I wasn’t in line with God’s will for my life, I wasn’t dating the ‘gem’ He knew I was worthy of having.
In my case, I was choosing to settle for the mediocre attraction of a fling, instead of patiently growing in God until He sent me the man I could truly know how to love.
The current relationship that I’m in is completely unlike my past relationships because our focus is on our love for each other, not our attractions. We do things God’s way and I truly see the difference. God tells us to wait for sex for a reason. It’s for our protection. Sex can blind your perception of reality. It can also change the focus of the relationship from love to lust.
Before my boyfriend and I get married, I’m confident that I’ll be one hundred percent sure that he’s the one because my vision will be clear on who he is, not what his body can do for me. Also, the time we choose not to have sex allots us more time to get to know each other, something we’ll really appreciate when we are married and have to work things out together.
God had and still has high standards for me. The boyfriend he has blessed me with loves God with all of his heart. Because of his genuine love for God, everything else about our relationship just falls together. Most of all, he knows the difference between attraction and love.
Attraction is a feeling. On the other hand, love is an action, a verb. Love is something you do, not something you feel. You prove love through your actions. So, when my boyfriend tells me he loves me, he knows to prove it with his actions, not by his words.
Now that I understand the difference between attraction and love, I can freely love in a mature way. I’m not expecting my boyfriend to heal my loneliness or insecurities because all of that has already been taken care of by God.
I’m also not expecting my boyfriend to provide me with a love that only God can give. My boyfriend can love me, he can be attracted to me, but he can’t heal me. That had to be dealt with before we got together. Otherwise, I would always find myself unsatisfied.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
I appreciate that God didn’t bless me with my gem until I understood the difference between attraction and love. I have feelings for my boyfriend, so I’m attracted to him. When he does something I don’t like, I love him, because that’s what love is. It’s not being kind or patient to someone when it feels good to do so, it’s loving that person back even when they don’t deserve it. That’s the other great part about waiting to have sex, you learn to do what’s best for the relationship, instead of what feels good to the individual. In a sense, you learn to sacrifice your desires for what’s best for the both of you.
I expect my boyfriend to make mistakes, because He’s not perfect, only God is. So, now that I know how perfect God is, I can stop placing such high expectations on imperfect people. That way, when they disappoint me, it’s easy to love, not because it always feels good, but because God loved me first when I didn’t deserve it. If my attraction were my motive to love, I would only love when I felt like doing so. I no longer love based on how I feel, I love based on what I know. If this blog inspired you, please click the share button below to inspire someone else.
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