So many times, those dates would turn into months of confusion where I would wonder, “Wait, what exactly are we doing? Where is this going?” Or, the date and I would end up in a relationship but I would soon find out that he was a liar, cheater, or was just playing with my heart.
After getting closer to God, I soon found out why my dates would turn into disastrous relationships with blurry titles: I never consulted God first.
I never asked God, “Lord, what do you think about this man?” I was led by my own desires. So often we run into bad relationships and blame God. Yet, God is never even involved in that situation. How can He be involved unless we acknowledge Him?
So, how can you avoid my mistakes? Learn from my experiences. Here are 6 ways to know he’s not worth a second date:
1) He’s not saved— Don’t say, “We’ll I really like him, maybe he’ll get saved while we are together.” We can’t change men and we’re not responsible for doing so. Nobody could force us to live for God, so what makes us think we can change someone else? The Bible is clear when it says don’t be unequally yoked. God has to open that door of his heart. By being with him against God’s Word, you could actually be blocking that door from becoming open!
2) He says he loves God but…– he still wants to have sex before marriage. If he doesn’t respect God’s Word, He doesn’t love God. Period. A true man of God will honor God’s Word and respect YOUR body and your decisions. Love is not a feeling, it’s an action. It’s a verb. We prove love through our actions. Don’t just assume he knows God because he can quote scriptures and attends church. Ask God to show you his heart. After all, his heart is what will decide how the relationship goes, not how much he says he “loves God.”
3) He isn’t interested in marriage or commitment – He just wants to “chill.” This is the type of guy that will string you along! I have been there! You don’t even have to worry about considering a second date for this one…leave right in the middle of that first date! How dare someone want your time, your heart, and your vagina, yet, they aren’t even interested in putting a ring on your finger! You are worth much more than that! Run for your life hunny…run!
4) He lacks stability– Ok, so I’m not saying that people don’t fall on hard times or go through different trials. That’s normal. But, something is wrong when he’s had 4 or 5 jobs in the past year. Don’t just listen to his goals, look at what he’s doing to get there. There may be instances where someone has to work an odd job or two and I get that. But, his every pursuit should have an underlying purpose to complete his purpose. Which brings me to reason 5…
5) He doesn’t know his purpose – This one is self-explanatory. If he doesn’t even know his own purpose for living, why would you want him to add you to the equation? How can he be sure about you if he’s not even sure about who he is or what God has called him to do? I’m not just talking about worldly success. Money, cars, clothes, and a great job are all nice, but what does it all mean if he wants to kill himself because he lacks fulfillment? You can only receive true fulfillment through living your Godly purpose. If he doesn’t know what that is, he needs to figure himself out before he tries to figure the two of you out!
6) You aren’t attracted to him– Being a hard-working Christian woman doesn’t mean you have to settle! You have to have more in common with someone other than, “This is who God told me to marry” or “He’s a Christian with a good job.” Relationships are a choice. God may grant you His blessing in a relationship, but it’s still your decision to be with that person. God would never force us to be with someone because He knows we would blame Him during the hard times. We would feel stuck. Choose and choose wisely and freely. Don’t feel obligated to be with someone because you think you can’t do better. That’s not operating in faith- that’s fear.
Use common sense. I’m not telling you to bring a checklist of items with you to the first date and treat the man like he’s in an interview. Be led of the Holy Spirit. But, all of the above are perfectly acceptable topics to ask on a first date! After all, this is your life we’re talking about. Your time is precious and valuable. It’s better to know someone’s character upfront than to let your emotions get tied in and wish you had known earlier.
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