The following is an excerpt from my book, I Believe in God, Now What?
I was lost and depressed for one main reason: I hadn’t forgiven.
My wounds were the reason that it didn’t take long for the joy of a Sunday morning sermon to leave my heart.
By Sunday evening, I was already stressed again and by Monday morning I was smoking another joint to pacify the pain.
It was an endless cycle. I would ignore the pain, thinking a sermon could clean it up.
I didn’t understand that as much as God wanted to heal my hurt, I had a part to play too. He couldn’t truly heal me unless I forgave first.
I knew the Lord was opening my heart in a good way the moment I heard myself pray for peace and salvation in the life of the man who raped me.
If we can learn to put our pride aside, it’s easy to realize that the people who intentionally hurt us need our prayers more than our judgment.
I didn’t know just how much pain my rapist kept buried inside of him until about five months after finding out that my case would not proceed to trial.
I received a call that I will never forget. It was from my rapist’s wife.
By this point, I had already found out that he was married at the time of my attack, but I had never expected to hear a phone call from his spouse.
I couldn’t understand my emotions and my reaction surprised me.
What was all this praying and trusting in God for if all these months had gone by and I could still shake with fear at just the sound of his name?
As I asked myself this question, my pastor’s statements about forgiveness echoed through my head. “Forgiveness must happen immediately, but healing will take time,” he told me one day.
They both require extreme amounts of patience. The more time you spend with God, the more patience you acquire, and the easier it becomes for healing to develop.
When I humbled myself by taking my emotions out of the situation, I was able to get my mind together and stay on the phone.
“How do you know my husband?” she asked me.
I looked up at the wall and took a deep breath….
The rest of the story is in my book, I Believe in God, Now What?
Share this post to inspire someone else.