So, you really want to stop having sex, but keep finding yourself in temptation? Here’s what to do…
Picture source: beawareorbeafraid.blogspot.com
Yes, I know it’s hard. You’ve tried for months and years now to stop having sex. Yet, temptation seems to always find it’s way back to you.
I’ve been there. For me, that temptation was alcohol. (Read about it here). Before my relationship with God, drinking and partying had a tendency to lead to sex. Instead of channeling my low self-esteem into God, I was using worldly sources to attempt to solve my problems.
Of course, the alcohol, sex, and partying would pacify my pain, but the issues I hadn’t dealt with within myself were still there the next morning. This battle continued on for a lot of my life until I finally let go and gave my hurt and pain to God, only then did I have the strength to fight the temptation that kept coming my way.
If you want to stop something, you have to get to the root of the issue. You have to deal with the real problem. My problem wasn’t that I couldn’t stop having sex, it was that I hadn’t learned to value myself the way God did and still does. My low self-esteem is what led to the sex long before the temptation even came into the picture. Once I was able to identify the real problem, I knew how to really avoid the temptation.
So, what am I saying? I’m trying to tell you that if you want to win this battle over temptation, then you’re going to have to ask God to help you identify what the real problem is. You have to get to the root of the temptation, not just focus on the temptation itself.
So, what keeps you from acting out on your desire to abstain? Maybe the root of your issue is addiction, past hurt, or the fact that you really don’t value God’s presence in your life as much as you think you do?
As Christians, our love for God has to go beyond Sunday morning worship. Our lives during the week have to reflect that we are spending personal time with Him if we are truly going to be ready when the battle appears. Personal time with God is how we learn to really value a relationship with Him. Purely going to Sunday services will not be enough to help you win this war.
So, I’m telling you right now to take your issues to God. Deal with you. Deal with the fact that you don’t like to look at yourself in the mirror. Deal with the fact that you don’t feel content unless a man is around. Deal with the fact that you don’t think you’re good, pretty, or smart enough. Handle your insecurities by giving them to God. If you want to be secure in things that God is asking you to do, you’re going to have to be secure in Him. Ask Him to help you see yourself how He sees you. Whenever you deal with the real issues and cancel those out, then having faith in God and knowing you can wait until marriage will be a lot easier. You won’t find yourself unable to fight temptation because you would have learned to deal with the real problems.
My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.
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Love,
Jordone
Jordonewrites@gmail.com
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For me it is easy to not have sex before. I was celibate for almost 5 years until my 1st love came back into my life. We made unwise decisions. Since we broke up, over a year now it seems I get urges but instead of looking for confort with a man… I confort myself if you know what I mean. I want to stop but when the desire hits strong, its hard. I have prayed, made myself take naps and hang with friends but it helps until I’m alone. I went longer with out doing that (month so far) but I feel bad everytime. I feel like one of my triggers is the internet, seeing things on facebook and instagram and not looking for it but it pops up. Not sure what I should do. Continue to count the days that I don’t do that and limit my time a lot with social media or what.
This is very true. For a while I thought that sex would bring me security in a non-relationship. I thought that since we really liked each other, he would be more likely to commit later down the line, which never happened. I’d always hear “I’m not ready for a relationship yet.” However, the guys I did have sex with were ready to commit to having sex with me.
The last time I was tempted with having sex, I passed test the left. I won’t say that I wasn’t tempted, but I remembered the vow I made to God and myself. I couldn’t keep up on a path that made me upset and then eventually bitter. It took a while and maturity to understand that those guys weren’t breaking my heart, I was breaking my own. They said they didn’t want a relationship, but I thought I was SOOOO different and could eventually change their mind because we had amazing dates and chemistry. It just wasn’t so. It feels great to be free of those soul ties. At the time you don’t even realize you’ve taken on parts of their character. You just believe you’re in sync.
Thank you for writing this blog. It’s needed.