Should You Keep in Touch with Your Ex After a Break Up? Here’s the Truth…
In my past, I was so guilty of keeping in touch with men I had “chilled” (read blog about that here) or had relationships with.
Even though we broke up, I somehow thought it was okay to answer their texts and calls. Even when I would walk through the door of a new relationship, I still had moments where I would entertain their desire to communicate with me.
Here’s the problem with that…
Once God has closed a door, leave it closed!
Many of us say that we want a new relationship or husband who is ready to commit and loves God, but are we doing our parts too?
When I got serious about my walk with God, I blocked the numbers and facebooks of any man I had ever “chilled” with, had a relationship with, or was attracted to.
Even if I wasn’t attracted to them but they were only attracted to me, I still made sure they had no way to come back into my life.
Here’s why…
When I decided to give God my all, I finally realized that the relationships I settled for and men I hung around were only a fraction of what I truly desired. What I really wanted was marriage, a commitment.
Because I didn’t know my worth or who I was in God, I would settle for less without even realizing what I was doing.
I was ready for God to make me a Godly wife that could be ready to support a Godly husband. I knew that if I wanted that life, I was going to have to do my part too.
Now, if the shoe were on the other foot, I knew I wouldn’t want my husband keeping in touch with his exes. I don’t care if it is just a facebook message!
I knew that God moves on faith. So, even though I didn’t see marriage right in front of me, I had to start having the faith that God was going to bless me with that life.
This meant I had to start acting like what I wanted to be.
So, even though I wasn’t in the phase of marriage yet, I began to show God that I was preparing for that season. I put my total focus on Him, not men.
So, if I’m trying to show God that I’m marriage material, what good will keeping in touch with someone from my past do?
You don’t need to touch a fire to see if it’s hot! The Bible says that Satan walks about like a like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).
As Christians, we don’t have time to play games or entertain trapped doors.
Satan is lurking and waiting for an opportunity to get you into his trap. So, when you do get married, do you really want that door from an old flame open?
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You already know that what was in that past relationship or fling is no longer for you. You also know there was an attraction there.
So, if you are praying for God to put you in a better place, why do you keep messing with what used to be?
If you want that Godly husband, show Him you’re preparing to be that Godly wife.
The truth is…
Any man from your past who keeps in touch with you is keeping you around as an option. And, to be honest with you, you’re allowing Him to.
He’s still feeling you, but doesn’t want to make the commitment. So, he’s keeping you around ‘just in case.’
You’re not an option! To some guy out there, you are the final decision.
But, how can he recognize that about you if you are carrying around extra weight and unnecessary baggage? Let go of your past and block those numbers!
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So, what else can you do to deepen your relationship with God as a single woman? ….
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But what if ur ex has been the only one there for u. Even after u broke up he is always there for u and won’t want any thing to happen to. He still cares for u and ur needs and fights for you???!
Hey Adzey… I would need more details to properly answer your question. Could you please email me at Jordone(at)Jordonwrites.org
This is so spot on! An ex has been reaching out, complimenting me on how I’m such a wonderful women of God, congratulating me on a job position that I didn’t tell him about or post on FB. Parts of me thinks about the past, but then I realize the only way I was able to really see God for myself was from getting out of the relationship with my ex. I saw God for the first time with such a different vigor, love and wander. I mean my prayer life grew, I became an active leader in my church, I fasted and worshipped like never before.. It’s interesting because I do pray for the Lord to bless me with a husband, but how can I be blessed when I’m holding onto the idea of someone’s potential who led me astray in the first place.. Next! Think he’s great and all, but I’m good! Goodbye Past! Hello Present and Looking into the future 🙂
You have no idea how much I truly needed to read this today. For almost 6 months I have been hanging on to a man who is a ghost. I cling to the hope that maybe if I try one more time he will come back. As I was googling, “When should you stop communication with an ex” I came across this. Reading this today has given me strength to nail that door shut. I’m inspired to follow God’s will and to begin my part of this bargain. Thank you for this! I’ll be reading this often, and I’m your newest follower!
Aw praise God!! Thanks so much for sharing your testimony! I’m praying for you.. Once you turn away, satan will want you to turn around …but don’t look back!! Love ya girl!
Jordone your blog… I’m truly inspired by you. I have been in an on/off relationship with a man that I adore. My kids love him. His kids love me. He tells me he wants to marry me and I’m the love of his life. We are so happy together…for a few weeks. Then the baby mamma drama starts. The trust issues surface and I feel like choking him to death. No man has ever had this effect on me to become so full of rage and anger. I want to believe he is the one but we have so many issues. I always think if God wanted me to be with him then our relationship would be easier. Why is it so hard? Its a new year and I want a fresh start. I love him so much but the drama is a distraction from my job, kids, and family at times. Any advice would be much appreciated.
I’m so happy it could inspire you! Praise God! If he’s cheating on you I’d definitely say you need to leave. What kind of baby mama drama is it ? Why do you all have trust issues? Is he saved?
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How do you handle it if children are in the picture?
Children are a different story. I don’t agree with parent’s keeping children away from their other parent because of a dislike they may have for each other. That’s not fair to the child. Provided that the other parent is not a harm to the children, I would suggest keeping in contact, but only as it relates to the kids. If this is someone that you know that God doesn’t have for you, then keep all conversations strictly about the kids. If you’ve moved on, then meal dates, side conversations, and non-kid related texts are irrelevant to the path you’re trying to move in. Also, if you do hope for a one day spouse, you want to be able to honestly communicate with that person that your relationship with your child’s parent is strictly about the child and nothing else. That way, your spouse can trust you without hesitation or worry. Doing things this way will eliminate confusion and keep a mutual respect between all parties involved. Hope this helps 🙂
I’m having a hard time with this. I’m keeping the door open, is it bad? I’m too nice, too understanding and too forgiving to not care. I haven’t initiated contact with my ex but right now in my mind and heart I’m open to keeping in touch if it were to happen. I know he’s not the one for me and we aren’t compatible. But he was a part of my life and my time with him has affected who I am today. Even through all the hurt I appreciate the experience and the lessons. I wonder as more time passes by maybe I won’t care and will close the door.
Close that door and leave it closed . That’s your responsibility to keep a door closed that God has already shut. Block the number and social media contact with him. You have to guard yourself. This is your life we are talking about! You are holding yourself back from the right one. Even if the right one does come along, do you reAlly want a trapped door of temptation open that can creep into your marriage! .. Yes, it’s bad.. Leave it alone .. Love ya
Thank you for your support. I have closed the door but it’s unlocked, haha. I need to lock the door and leave it. I’ll get there!
Iook to God’s Word to replace that space and I promise you’ll find it much easier .
Young lady if you know what I know at being 31 years old, you would of not even entertain that thought. Even though I am young, I know what I am talking about. I done this one too many times!!!! Not good for you at all!!! All I can tell you is to block numbers BETTER YET TELL THEM NOT TO CALL YOU ANYMORE LIKE I DID. Let them know you mean business and move forward. I unfriended these people on facebook, blackplanet, yahoo, hotmail, etc. I wasnt playing. I deleted everything from tearing up the valentines cards, pictures and anything else that reminded me of them.
This is such an eye opener!
Reblogged this on REALITY AND EXPERIENCE and commented:
Think before you running after them.
Great read! I have done this for many years after I realized that it was useless to stay in touch with old flames. It is not healthy to stay in touch with them. A clean break is the best, no need to stay in touch, keep updates or tabs on them. When I say I am done, I mean just that. Many of my friends think I am being cold but what I am doing is being real and true to myself. Thank you so much for your heart felt blogs that are so on point.
Wow this is soooo true! Love you girl thanks for blogging about this real stuff!
Love you too girl 🙂
Amen! Thank you for this. It also means that you have to stop looking at their social network pages. I had to vow to stop today. I would find myself getting upset because he seemed to move on fine without me and not thinking once about me. But God told me to let the “non-relationship” go even though nothing went wrong.
In my past, I knew what happened when I didn’t listen when God told me to back away, and this time I did. I trust him. Whatever he has in store for me, is better than I can imagine. I just have to walk in obedience.
Amen! So proud of you CiCi. ! Keep walking with Him. Praise God for your obedience. Love ya sis 🙂
Hi Zodie,
I would need to know more details about the situation in order to properly give you advice. Could you please email me at Jordone.branch@yahoo.com. Do you all have kids together? Are you currently in a relationship? Please reply via email . Love you
Hi, Jordone. Does this apply to an ex-husband?