13
Jul
2014
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“I don’t want a Relationship…Let’s Just ‘Chill’”…Here’s the Truth About Statements Like that…

“I don’t want a Relationship…Let’s Just ‘Chill’…”

 

Man, if I could count the number of times I heard a guy tell me a statement like that. We would like each other, have sex, and I would hope he would desire a relationship with me. Of course, it never worked out this way.

 

Like so many others, I desired the comfort of a relationship, but because I wasn’t going about it God’s way, it never worked out. The world’s way of relationships is to have sex, then get to know each other, chill (hanging out with no purpose or no intention to marry), and maybe somewhere down the line get into a relationship. God’s way of a relationship is the complete opposite.

 

When you are in a Godly relationship, you aren’t just dating just to date. You realize your time is worth more than just getting a free meal on a Friday night. You are courting with the idea that you two could possibly marry each other. You don’t have sex, because you understand that not having sex before marriage teaches you to sacrifice the desires of the self for what’s better for the relationship. It also teaches you how to have patience for one another. Although God’s way of having a relationship requires patience and trust in Him, anytime you commit to something the way God’s Word instructs, you will always have His favor and honor.

 

The truth about ‘chilling’ is that it’s another way for a man to say, “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.” He wants your time, your body, your vagina, and even your heart, but he’s unwilling to give you a commitment. Unfortunately, there are so many relationships like this. Like I once did, girls are settling everyday to the idea of ‘chilling’ instead of receiving what they are really worth.

 

I was once the biggest settler of them all. I was insecure, lonely, and had no relationship with God. I wanted a man around because it made me feel good. I made an idol out of men because I was looking for them to fill my voids instead of God. But, since my life was not right with God, my relationships always reflected that.

 

Do you want to know something? I had to learn this the hard way but I now know that the real man that God has for you would never settle for just ‘chilling’ with you. There is a guy who will know the moment he lays eyes on you that you could potentially be his wife. However, he won’t be the one who just wants your body, but doesn’t want to give you a commitment.

 

I can recall the moment my current boyfriend and I first confessed our feelings for each other. I originally told him that, although I liked him, I don’t think it’s going to work out because I was living under the false assumption that the Lord wanted me to be with someone else. Do you know what his reply was? He said, “whatever it takes, I’m going to wait on you.”

 

I was blown away by his response. Out of all the years before God that I accepted ‘chilling,’  I had never had a guy that not only wanted a genuine commitment, but was willing to wait at whatever precautions it took.

 

Today, we are 7 months happily courting in a Godly relationship. We aren’t ‘chilling,’ we know we want to marry each other. We aren’t together just to fill each other’s voids or loneliness. And, most importantly, we aren’t wasting each other’s time.

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My boyfriend and I enjoying some time at the lake last weekend. I’m so thankful the Lord taught me to get out of my mess before He blessed me with my one day husband. Check out his Godly blog here: www.eddiemassey.com or tweet him @eddiemasseyiii

 

I knew I would have never received my current boyfriend if I was still in the mindset of accepting having sex and ‘chilling’. I learned that if I wanted a Godly man who follows the Word and yearns after me, I was going to have show God that I can be that Godly woman too.

 

You are worth so much more than ‘chilling.’ You are worth the commitment. You are worth the wait. Trust me, God has so much for you. If you are in this situation, I pray that you let go of the little you have and open your hand for God to give you so much more. I love you. Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Tell me about it in the comment section below. Then, share this post to inspire another sister in need of encouragement.

Want to be prepared for your Godly husband and learn more about how God removed addiction, depression, and sex out of my single life?…

…Then get my FREE book sample…My book, I Believe in God, Now What?, shares my many battles with men, relationships, sex, and dating to help deepen your relationship with God. This book is sure to help you realize your true value in Christ and stop accepting less than you are worth. 

To get the FREE book sample, click one of the following links:

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Love,

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Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Six Reasons to Let Him Go After the First Date

2) Honey, Your Vagina is Not Your Worth 

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband? 

4) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single

5) Is it Worth a Relationship…Or is it Just an Attraction?…Here’s How to Tell…

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One Thing Every Single Woman Must do to Hear God About Her Husband (Part 2)
Are you waiting on another woman’s blessing?
Why I’m Almost 30 and Not in a Rush to Get Married! + My Trip to South Africa!
4 Ways to Know You’ve Been Waiting on Your Man for Too Long

148 Responses

  1. j

    I was in love with a guy who I thought was my soulmate after awhile because we communicated without talking. However, he would always make me feel less than him and never valued me. He knew what I was thinking so he would purposefully hurt my feelings. Now we don’t even talk.

  2. james reynolds

    Thats nice an all but my girl did it to me i was great not one mess up did everything in my power to make her happy her first real man so she says now she like i just want to chill…and been very distant with me

    1. I understand. I’m sorry that happened. But, it’s good that now God has helped you to bring to light her true motives. I would just encourage you to move forward, pray for her, and spend more time with God and His Word. He wants more of you. He also wants to heal your pain. Let Him.

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    1. shasha

      I am glad that wrote this blog. I ended a relationship just like this about 9 years ago. I thank God for doing that. Every since then I have been with someone else since then. We have a 6 year old son together Our relationship is a whole lot better than what that was. It took me a while to come back from that. I dont ever want to go through that AGAIN!!! This stuff breaks me down typing about it. In my late teens, I just dated some jerks who were only out for just sex. I had some that were good men but not at a great place in their lives. Their body was there with me but their heart was either somewhere else or with someone else. They were in off and on relationships and so was I. I started looking back at this recently. That was a connection in that. I always learned what you are is who you attract. I see it now from the choices that I have made.

      1. Wow that last statement you made – “you are what you attract” is so powerful! I’ve definitely learned my lesson after drawing closer to God and deepening my relationship with Him. So much of my past mistakes with men could have been avoided if I Got myself right with God and stopped attracting men who didn’t truly love God . Praise God for redemption and deliverance. I’m always here if you need encouragement! I encourage you to draw closer to God in His Word. Apply His scriptures to your life, don’t just read them . Search for scriptures that can help you with areas you are struggling in. If an area you need help with is forgiveness, then research scriptures on that apply them to your life. I’m always here for you! God bless you and your son and family 🙂 love, Jordone

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  14. La'Conya P. Manuel, LMFT

    Good word…. now following on Twitter and IG. Follow back @therapeutic4u

    My favorite part —-
    The truth about ‘chilling’ is that it’s another way for a man to say, “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.” He wants your time, your body, your vagina, and even your heart, but he’s unwilling to give you a commitment. Unfortunately, there are so many relationships like this. Like I once did, girls are settling everyday to the idea of ‘chilling’ instead of receiving what they are really worth.

  15. I was like you. I settled for the “chillers” because I was afraid of being lonely, then I found myself even more alone. But back in October, I met a man who was different. He desired to be married, he said he was saved, when I took him to meet my mom and she asked him what his favorite Bible verse was, he quoted a verse from Acts on cue. I thought I had found the right one, but as our relationship progressed, I quickly realize how important it is to seek God FIRST before pursuing a relationship. He carried a lot of baggage with him that was emotionally draining. Sometimes I thought he expected me to fix him, and other times, I wondered if he even wanted the baggage dropped or if he enjoyed the self-pity party. On several occasions I would tell him to go to God for healing, and he would look at me as if I had just slapped him. Then I noticed that as I was trying to get him to get closer to God, I was changing but he wasn’t. When I told him I didn’t want to have sex anymore, he blew up! He accused me of not being attracted to him, said that sex was the base of a relationship and if we weren’t having sex everyday, what were we supposed to do. I told him that the only way that our relationship can turn into a successful marriage was if we put God first in everything, and he said that he felt he was competing against God for me. I couldn’t believe it! Long story short, I finally ended the relationship because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I do thank him for motivating me to develop a deeper relationship with God, though I doubt it was intentional. Now, I’m content with being single because I’m not alone. I have my Lord and Savior and that’s all I need.

  16. When I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked the
    -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I get 4 emails with the exact same comment.
    There has to be a means you are able to remove me from that service?
    Appreciate it!

  17. Jazmine

    Thank you for clarification. All of the signs are right in front of me and reading this has sealed the deal. thank you Jordone. I look forward to reading more of your blogs for encouragement!

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  19. Michelle

    Your article reminds me of my mom’s friend Cheryl Haskins who is the author of Girlfriends Don’t Matter. She’s on FB. you should check her out!

  20. Joshua prince

    That was a serious blessing to hear thank you!! It’s the hardest thing to do ( in this generation)! But god knows what he’s doing we just have to trust him in all things!

  21. Sheena

    The article is a message from God, I know that my body is the temple of God, here lately it has been a complete struggle. It seems so impossible to find that person who is looking for his queen. I have prayed over and over, and there is no one that knows my worth. Thanks for the article.

    1. Continue to be patient on God. It will be worth the wait. I have been where you are and I can promise you that receiving the guy God had for me is better than anyone I could have picked for myself. Stay encouraged and get so into God and His Word that you won’t accept anything less but what He has for you. Deepen your relationship in Him through prayer. I’m here if you need encouragement. If you subscribe to my blog, you can receive my encouraging posts right to your inbox. God bless!

  22. I honestly needed this. I’m going throught the exact same thing. In college everyone wants to chill, but they dont want that commitment to you. Thank you so much and God bless.

  23. Jayonna king

    I want to thank you for writing this I was laying in my bed tossing and turning trying to make a decision about the very situation your writing about and then I saw this while aimlessly scrolling on Facebook reading this really touch my heart and put my mind at ease I had always had a good head on my shoulder and I grew up in church but like many I definitely lost my way I want to thank you because this was A sign from god that I know what I have to do. Please keep writing and I will definitely keep reading

      1. I am so happy to see your article have such positive effect on somebody. That is what I pray my poetry does one day. God bless

        On Tue, Jul 15, 2014 at 9:59 PM, JordoneWrites wrote:

        > Jordone Branch commented: “Aw God bless you!! stay encouraged!! You > have a friend in me…Love, Jordone” >

  24. kiera

    I love the entirety of this article. I, myself can’t count the number of times that I have heard this “let’s chill” aka line. I don’t think people know the meaning of just hanging out have a great time without sex. I used the line once only because I wanted to get to know the person. I fell for the line once or twice but now moving forward I know my worth and what I want. Until then I’ll be working on myself dodging the usual let’s chill

  25. Sherita

    Thaaaaannnkkkk you!!! I am so tired of chilling!!! I have come to know my worth and sometimes fall short…but I thank GOD I am not who or what I used to be. I am very inspired and will continue to set my standards for my husband who I am waiting on.

    1. I would say pay attention to the music you listen to. When I wanted to become abstinent, I had to cut off a lot of the garbage that was telling me to “drop my panties” and “take it down low” because that didn’t match with the lifestyle I’m trying to live for God. Are your music, friends, and influences telling you to just “chill” or that sex should be a goal in life? Those can be major influencers. Most importantly, talk to God in a very candid way. Tell him your errors and ask Him to show you how to change and He’ll lead you. I’ll be praying for you as well. God bless!

  26. right on… i’ll say one thing im pushin 30 next month, and i am abstaniting from sex, alchol, drugs, caffine and violence… sex before marriage is not worth it.. i have always been this way… the bible says to flee immorality… i can suggest some great books, A.C. Green Victory, Sex has a Price tag by Pam Stenzel, and Every Young Mans Gods man I got saved in 1998, and i have been creating visual artwork since 1999.. google me PSWIF ONE.. blessings Patrick

  27. I really enjoyed this article. As a mother of 2 young ladies, a Vice Principal at a private Christian School, an most of all- a Woman of God, I am encouraged, and so proud of you for sharing your experiences, and realizing-early on that those relationships are self destructive. We have so many young people in our little town here in Alcolu, SC (near Sumter) that need to hear you speak. Would you consider coming to speak? We have a school (Mother Geneva Johnson Academy), a restaurant, and Multipurpose building that can be the venue. God Bless you and Keep you, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

  28. Love14

    I’ve been looking for this confirmation! Never thought I’d come across it on Facebook. The timing couldn’t be better!

  29. Tracy Oxendine

    Old school here….you definitely taught me some new tricks !!! Your writing this….was CONFIRMATION for me….onward..and upward ! Thank you, dear sister !

  30. Natalie Lindsay-Smith

    Thank you for this blog. So true. Would like to use this for the Youth Ministry I’m involved with at my church. I’m preparing to give a workshop for the teen girls on abstinence and this is very timely and helpful. I pray that God continues to use you as He is doing and give you increase.

  31. Lyn

    Argghhhh! This is so painful and comforting at the same time. From the comments it’s obvious that young women from different parts of the world are going through the same thing.
    I was recently told that I need to just chill and that I was too serious. Ha! With this, I know that I need to stop casting my pearls before swine.

    1. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 Glad you see it that way!! Know your worth!!! God values your life and your time, anyone else who doesn’t isn’t worth having in your life! Move on and make the decision for him as you pray and allow God to lead you ONLY according to His will.

  32. Olu

    Thank you so much for posting this. I stumbled across your post and really felt touched by your words. I’m currently in a situation where I feel lost in my desires to want a man that I’m starting to lose patience and trust in God. This really touched my soul and spoke to my heart and I hope one day I can have an in depth relationship with God similar to what you have with Him. Thank you.

    1. Wow!! praise God! I believe you can have that relationship and I know He wants it for you. Simply pray and read your Word daily. Then, make sure you are not just reading but literally applying that Word to your life. I was once so far from God and I was very blind about it. If I can come to Him, anyone can. don’t let the devil deceive you by making you think that you aren’t worthy. He’s the father of liars and is afraid of you giving God the glory and receiving all that the Lord has for you. You are valued and worthy in the Lord’s eyes, He does have SO much for you and a relationship with Him is the start of it all. I’m here if you need prayer/encouragement! God bless! 🙂

  33. Babs

    My male friend and I are both older, he’s a devout Christian but wants only friends with benefits. This has been going on for over 2 years! He says he loves me, then tells me he loves me as a friend and that’s all it is, friendship. I have very strong, loving feelings for him…..I’m too old for these games. How can a Christian man treat a woman this way?

    1. Hey there! Well, a Christian is not just a Christian because he says so…it’s in his actions. So, according to what you’ve told me..he may go to church and pray, but his actions towards you are not Christ like. There is nothing Christ like about “friends with benefits”. Sounds like he is using both you and God for only His desires. Move on…He’s wasting your time and you are worth so much more. I’m here if you need encouragement! God bless!

  34. Sharon criss

    I stopped settling for chilling 5 years ago!!!!… because I too want more. I know I am worth more!!!!… I am waiting on my commitment!!!!… I know God will make it happen!!!!…

  35. I'm The Apple Of His Eye♡

    This was so me until God began to deal with me and I realized that I deserved so much more. I’m so worth what God has in store for me…This was confirmation♡

  36. Victoria

    Your blog is is very inspiring,I really enjoyed this one.It’s true once we follow God’s way in our relationship’s everything will certainly fall into place. Awesome!
    Be blessed!

  37. Debbie M.

    Your testimony is/was me, I will no longer just chill in a relationship and if the one never comes along I pray God will bless me just as i am and comfortable being a single woman.

  38. kim

    I started down that path this weekend But after coming across your article.i stoped it before it got worst for me.thank you so much. I have been living this way since a young adult.and didnt and still dont know why.

    1. Wow …stay encouraged! I was always on this path before God. Sometimes, it’s about not seeing ourselves the way God sees us. I encourage you to spend time in His Word daily, get to know Him more through prayer, deepen your relationship with Him , and you will begin to see that you won’t even think twice about accepting a relationship that’s not of Him because you will be so clear about your worth! God bless! 🙂

  39. Yvette

    Hi..I read your blog..it was something I need to read. Now I just have to do it…it is not going to be easy. I don’t want to chill and I know I’m worty.

    1. Stay in God’s Word and in prayer and that will encourage you to make the right decisions for Him. I’m here if you need help. As you see on my blog, I was once promiscuous and not living my life for God at all. If I can do it, anyone can. I never knew my obedience would bring me to this great life of peace and contentment in Him but I’m glad I stepped out on faith. God bless. I love you in Christ! Love, Jordone

  40. SimplyIH

    I’m glad I saw this article! I’m 36 and have been celibate for 4 years. I’m single and at times, I get impatient. Not because of not having sex, but just the loneliness. Being alone is hard sometimes, but I know God has my husband out there, and he will find me in God’s time, not mine. In the meantime, I know God is preparing me to be the right wife for him. God bless!

  41. Excellent article sure would have came in handy in my YOUNGER days, lol
    Woman don’t say chilling they say can we just be friends but it relates the same way.
    I have never used the tem myself, I consider myself warm blooded not cold. 🙂

  42. MJW

    Wow, Wow, Wow, This brought tears to my eyes because I am going through this currently….The sad part is that I know all of this information and for some strange reason i think my situation will be different or I can change him …(NOT!!!) I’m tired of chilling…

    1. YES MAM!! You are worth it! God knows it and so did I ! He never created you to chill! Take all that energy and turn it into deepening your relationship with our Savior. Then, pray for the man who never saw your worth. Don’t have resentment, just pray for his salvation and security in Christ.

  43. Atavias Banks

    THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSPIRATIONAL WORDS I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT HERE EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING FROM MEN.AND YOU GIVE ME THE GORGE TO GET MY LIFE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.THANK YOU

  44. Tameka

    Wow that blessed me i have been going through this as well but the men would always say i was marrying type but they wasn’t ready or if they said they were ready later on they would still end up leaving me

  45. IRIS DAVIS

    I feel that the Lord sent me to read your article due to the circumstances that II am just getting myself out of. I thank you

  46. Zeola Marshall

    Wow!!!!! I was just seating here thinking about some one that I like to get to know. I’m praying, that he’s the one God has put in my path…

  47. Nailah Ingram

    This really speaks volumes into my life. Your worth is everything and once you realize this, nothing can stand in your way and you will accept nothing less than what you deserve!! Thank you for this and good luck on your journey!!

  48. Stephanie

    Love it, this is so true and def applies to me and I know so many other women who my struggle and dont see or fail to realize their self worth! I truly think God for people like you who are willing to open up and share your experiences with the world and teach and motivate us all to be better and do better!! Keep letting God use you, this has indeed been a eye opener and a blessing to me!!;)

  49. Congrats on standing in your truth, and developing a true honest commitment. I agree with so much of what you’ve said here. Your post is almost a mirror of my own describing dating, waiting, and abstinence. This is often a topic I write about as it has been a struggle, and many times an issue. Be sure to check my blog out if you have time.

    Dee

  50. Natasha Neal

    Thank you! I am currently in my own struggle but God used you to send me a message that I am on the right road! You have been a blessing to me! Thank God for you. May he continue to bless you!

  51. I agree completely. . However sadly this is not just a term or view that is given by men… women have increasingly abandoned marriage and the course of a God relationship…
    Let’s teach spiritual accountability across the board

  52. Shannon Blalock

    Wonderful to an article such as this. How would they (young adults) know that they are worth more than just someone to chill with if we don’t tell them. Your testimony will set other women as well as men free. God is definitely calling the young and old to another level leaving what is considered the norm behind. God bless you and I am wishing you success on your journey to empower our young adults.

  53. Keiva

    It’s funny that I ran across this. I’m in a situation exactly like this at this very moment. Reading this is God’s way of telling me it’s not right and I will have better. Thank you!

    1. Fancy

      Same thing for me. Been wrestling in my mind and heart what to do. We have two kids and we have 6 years in. And it has not been 6 years of bliss; I stayed and put up with whatever just to have him. And he reminds me occasionally that he told me from day 1 that he never wanted a relationship

      1. Pray about it… if he doesn’t want a relationship then he’s treating you like an option. No one should consider you an option, you’re worth more than that. Make the decision for Him…move on as God leads you.

      2. @Fancy… I say move on..if he’s treating you like an option then he’s not treating you how God sees you. You aren’t an option. you are worth so much more. Pray about it and move on ONLY as God leads you. Here if you need encouragement. Love you in Christ!

  54. You really make it appear so easy together with your presentation however I
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    1. Aww God bless you too !! 🙂 Praise God! I’m so happy the Lord led you here to get the inspiration you needed! Stay encouraged …and above all else, know your worth in the Lord 🙂

  56. elaine

    Chill is just another way to say you’re not wife material. No one bites an apple & comes back to buy it later. That apple is no longer appealing to serious buyers! Keep your apples polished!

  57. You were right, I love your blog! 🙂 Sorry it took so long for me to check it out, but I will definitely be keeping up with it now! Keep writing and being open, because people are reading our blogs and are inspired to keep pushing and going against the grain. We have to show that it is possible to live a life that is not the cultural norm! 🙂

    1. AMEN! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for those encouraging words. Let’s continue to keep all our readers in are prayers in thoughts. Love ya girl …I’m glad we are connected 🙂

      1. Dawn

        I was really inspired of your story, i even cried after i read it because i was exactly the same in your situation before. I really wanted to have a blessed relationship and Godly way of dating. Thank you for your life. Keep inspiring people specially women. God Bless your life.

        1. Wow!! praise God! Glory to Him only! Your comment really touched me! Thank you so much!! Please continue to share so that those in need can be helped too. If you want to subscribe, you can do so by entering your email at the bottom of the my website. God bless you and I’m always here if you need prayer or encouragement! Love you in Christ!

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